Shakespeare in a Nutshell

Hello and welcome, friends! Today we're talking about Shakespeare. If you're interested in a brief summary of his life, check out the hyperlink.

I want to start by saying that everyone, English buff or not, should write a Shakespearean sonnet before they die. It actually makes for an awesome writing exercise. Because of that, in addition to regular comments, I'd like to ask everyone to give it a shot, and post your finished work here. As a follow-up to this post, I'll publish a collection of your sonnets in one week.

Writing this kind of poem is challenging and confusing, even for those of us who do it all the time. I'll take a moment to guide you through the process.

We'll start simple. First, we need a four line stanza, otherwise known as a quatrain. For now we'll ignore the structure business, and just work on this.

This morning I rose;
Bathed and brushed and duly ate-
I scrubbed and dried my dirty plate,
And wrote to friends on blogspot.

This is a quatrain. Now we need to change things around a little bit. First, it's important that the rhyme scheme be ABAB, meaning that the first and third line rhyme with one another, and the second and fourth lines rhyme with one another. You don't need any internal rhyme, we're strictly talking about the last word of each line. Here's what the new quatrain looks like:

This morning I rose in sticky hot,
then bathed and brushed and duly ate.
I stretched my muscles firmly taught,
then scrubbed and dried my dirty plate.

Voila! Hot, ate, taught, plate. ABAB. This is the stuff of legend. Now comes the slightly more complicated stuff. It really isn't that bad, I promise. for this, we need to understand stressed and unstressed syllables. This is really just based on inflection in regular speech, so let me demonstrate what I'm talking about with my first line:

this MORning i ROSE in STIcky HOT

Do you hear it? The beat is thrown off because the the second half of the word "morning" and the word "I" are both unstressed in speech, and when they are back-to-back, the line sounds a little weird. The momentum is thrown off! Shakespeare used a certain kind of pattern quite often in his work called iambic pentameter. I know, it's a terribly confusing couple of words. First, we need to understand what in the world an iamb is.

What we did with my first line is basically called scansion. This is a flashy term for the strategy we use to mark stressed and unstressed syllables in poetry. There's a little mark for stressed, and a different mark for unstressed (here we simply used capital letters for stressed and lower-case for unstressed). We "scan" the entire line, marking syllables as we go. We name the patterns we see in the marks simply for reference, so in discussion we all know what the other is talking about- like naming an apple an apple, this is just about communication.

An iamb is an unstressed syllable followed by a stressed syllable. The syllables do NOT have to belong to the same word. Here are some examples of iamb, just so you can get use to the sound of it:

toDAY
i FELL
it HURT
i CURSED
this WORKS

You can go on forever. An example of something that is not iambic would be "Boston". The stress is on the first syllable. That is called something else, but let's not try to learn too much at once. So we have an iamb. Pentameter literally just means "five meters". In this case, one iamb equals one meter. Therefore, iambic pentameter simply means "five meters worth of one unstressed syllable followed by one stressed syllable". Let's try one line of iambic pentameter:

I washed my plate today within the sink
(i WASHED / my PLATE / toDAY / wiTHIN / the SINK)

Brilliant. Now we just need rework the four lines of our quatrain so that we have an ABAB rhyme scheme and iambic pentameter:

I washed my plate today within the sink,
and brought my tired muscles out to play.
I stretched them far and long enough, I think
To last me through this busy Boston day.

I know what you're thinking: "You just said we couldn't use the word Boston!!! You liar!" Let's take a close look at the line as a whole. (to LAST / me THROUGH / this BU / sy BO / ston DAY). Althought the word "Boston" by itself is not an iamb, it works here because the meter break occurs in the middle of the word, forcing an iambic pattern. Don't be afraid of doing this, because you can actually use words with several syllables, and that can make your poem really awesome and impressive. As long as you use the dun-DUN, dun-DUN, dun-DUN heartbeat-like rhyme scheme, and as long as you have five iambs per line (for a total of ten syllables per line), you're golden.

Now we've mastered the quatrain. In the Shakespearean sonnet, we need three quatrains. Keep in mind, the rhyme scheme is as such:

ABAB CDCD EFEF

Don't mix rhyming words between the quatrains themselves. After those, there are two lines tagged on at the end. They are in what is called heroic couplet. Using what you already know to define the term, this simply means "two lines of iambic pentameter that rhyme with each other". So really, it's the exact same thing you've been doing all along, except the last two lines rhyme with each other. Therefore, we end up with this rhyme scheme:

ABAB CDCD EFEF GG

You can put a blank line between the quatrains and the heroic couplet, or you can choose to have them run continuously. Personally, I break them up, because it's easier for me to read and separate my sections.

Let's talk style! The first quatrain establishes a theme. It could be anything. The second extends on that theme. "We talked about this, let's explore it a little more." The third quatrain is basically a big "but..." statement. This is where the mood of the poem changes. Some people call it the "epiphany" moment. The heroic couplet at the end is basically a summary of what we've learned about the theme considering the epiphany. This is the "I've learned something important today, and here it is" moment. I'll complete my sonnet at the end of this post to show you a full example, and then it's all up to you!

But enough workshopping for the moment. Let's actually talk about Shakespeare's work. Although I really like writing Shakespearean sonnets, I don't like any of Shakespeare's actual poems. I think they're dated. You might benefit from reading one or two of them to get a better understanding of how to write your own sonnets, but other than that, I really wouldn't waste my time. Really.

As far as plays go, I don't have enough good things to say about "A Midsummer Night's Dream". This is one you should read. You should be familiar with a few of Shakespeare's plays. "Twelfth Night" is decent. "Romeo and Juliet" is a must simply because EVERYONE AND THEIR GRANDMOTHER writes some deviation on this classic. "Othello" is alright. There are also many references to "Hamlet" in modern literature. You can live without reading the rest of them. I know, I know... some English majors or professors are reading this and gasping at the blasphemy, but let's get real. The Bard was good, but he's been gone a very, very long time.

His work, although "original", has also been recreated countless times in much more accessible formats. The language of the original text is beautiful and artistic, and that should be respected. However, just because you're the first at something doesn't make you the best. Did we stop with the first cell phone and say "Hey, its a classic! It's perfect!"? No. We realized that no one wants to walk around with a messenger bag full of electronic stuff and a giant boxy brick against our ears. Literature, like technology, gets progressively better over time as it is redesigned and reorganized. You're free to disagree, but you'd be wrong.

I'd say that when it comes to Shakespeare plays, everyone's favorite is something different. It might behoove you to read a synopsis of each one, or even catch a modern interpretation of one. I find that using No Fear Shakespeare on Sparknotes is the best way to read the plays. You have the original text side-by-side with an interpretation of it (if you're new to this stuff, you'll really need the translation).

I spent an entire semester on "Romeo and Juliet". Most of our class wrote papers. A clever friend and I boiled the actions down to a three-minute skit and acted out the entire thing with wigs and props, each playing dozens of characters, both male and female. All in all, though, an entire semester was far too long to linger on this. Three to four weeks at the most is more than enough Shakespeare exposure.

And that concludes my freshman year of high school. Join me next time for Elie Wiesel's Night. It's gonna be a good one.

You are free to choose a topic on your own, but I've chosen "What happened to you today?" as a loyal go-to. Without further adieu:


I washed my plate today within the sink,
and brought my tired muscles out to play.
I stretched them far and long enough, I think
To last me through this busy Boston day.

I packed my books inside my bag and went
onto the trolley, train, and crystal bus.
T'was with a heavy sigh I did lament
another day in UMass Boston's trust.

Then in a flash I swore my ears did lie-
My teacher sang a song unknown and true,
And though I thought I would at once have died,
I quietly absorbed this something new.

We may be wasting time, our tickets punched,
But sometimes teachers teach, and thanks a bunch.

To Kill a Mockingbird

Prepare to read one of the best books of all time. To Kill A Mockingbird, in addition to selling a few copies (alright, a TON of copies over several editions), winning the Pulitzer Prize, and being a high school staple for years, has one of the most honest depictions of the south I've read in any contemporary literature.

This is one of those things you'll have to take my word on, because if you aren't southern, you probably can't spot the difference between southern literature and faux-southern lit. The elements that come together to make southern fiction are so numerous and complex, the genre borderlines camp in terms of an understanding of its mechanisms. In effect, either you get it, or you don't. Either you were born in the south and have these experiences, or you weren't. Sorry, I didn't create the club, I just belong to it.

What's the difference between real and fake southern literature? Well, you may not feel a sense of harmonic vibration with books like this one, but you can spot cheap, ugly plays on southern stereotypes regardless of where you come from. Faux-southern lit may even be written by a southerner, so don't depend on geographical location to determine this genre. Besides, have you ever actually seen a map of legitimately "southern" states?

As you can see, there's quite a difference between the literal south and the literary south. I was born in Joplin, Missouri, in the southwest corner of the state. By birth, you could say that I'm a fringe-southerner, as I don't hail from a core state such as Georgia or Louisiana. Also, I'm not of the pure heritage considered most desirable by classical southern standards. Those with French, Norman, Spanish, Welsh, Teutonic, and Scottish blood are considered more pure. Excluding small traces of Cherokee, I'm half German and half Irish. German heritage is, by a southern perspective, a bloodline of the northern US. Irish aren't considered a part of the Celtic circle of superiority, as red hair and alcoholism are stereotypically associated with this heritage. If you think this is getting complicated, you just wait. I only scratched the surface. What makes you "southern" is something I could probably spend an entire semester's worth of blogging on, but in the end, I really don't care to.

Despite being born on the fringe, as an Army BRAT, I've lived in several of these states, including Texas for 8 years, Florida for about 4 years, and Georgia. My "home" is a farm in the middle of nowhere, surrounded by corn, cattle, and searing bigotry. My heart goes out to my own kin, but there is no denying the racism, homophobia, and generalized blanket-ignorance that prevails in my home town. I'm allowed to say that. Don't repeat it. Especially not after the tornado that just wiped half the city off the map... that would just be mean. It may be a contradiction, but pride in your roots comes with the territory. Though I disagree with the general mindset of who I consider to be my people, I am proud of where I come from. Talk about internal conflict!

Anyway, if you were born in the north, you're probably familiar with southern stereotypes. Stupidity. Inbreeding. Racism. Failure to progress "forward" in thought and social structure. All stereotypes get their start somewhere, and many of these are partially, geographically, or situationally true. Faux-southern lit spawns from authors who play on YOUR misguided concepts of the south to appeal to a northern audience. Texts generally boast two-dimensional, cliche characters embodying these stereotypes as personal flaws. It's like beach reading. You aren't particularly wiser or more educated by having read these books. If anything, your sense of southern reality becomes even more twisted. When you spot a southern stereotype in literature, examine it closely. You may be wasting your time.

If you're interested in reading more southern lit (the really good kind), you need to start with The Adventures of Huckleberry Finn by Mark Twain. This book isn't just the beginning (and reigning authority) of southern literature, it's the beginning of American literature. The book is incredible. There just isn't much else to say. It's a long one, though, so if this is going on your summer reading list, expect to spend free time on little else.




Join me next time where I'll take a radical turn from the roots of southern literature and tackle the next text assigned to me in my formal education: Romeo and Juliet. I have little peace to speak about the Bard, so just consider the next installment an overall investigation of William Shakespeare. See you next time!

Cheaper by the Dozen

I'm sure that many of you haven't read this novel. A really bad comedy was made from the story several years ago, so you may at least recognize the title.

To skip to the good stuff, let's just borrow Wikipedia's summary section on the book itself:

"Cheaper by the Dozen is a biographical book written by Frank Bunker Gilbreth, Jr. and Ernestine Gilbreth Carey that tells the story of time and motion study and efficiency experts Frank Bunker Gilbreth and Lillian Moller Gilbreth, and their twelve children. The book focuses on the many years the family resided in Montclair, New Jersey. It was adapted to film by Twentieth Century Fox in 1950.

The title comes from one of Frank Sr.'s favorite jokes: it often happened that when he and his family were out driving and stopped at a red light, a pedestrian would ask, "Hey, Mister! How come you got so many kids?" Gilbreth would pretend to ponder the question carefully, and then, just as the light turned green, would say, "Well, they come cheaper by the dozen, you know," and drive off.

In real life, the Gilbreths' second eldest child, Mary, died of diphtheria at age six. The book does not explicitly explain the absence of Mary Gilbreth; it was not until the sequel, Belles on Their Toes, was published that her death is mentioned in a footnote.

Belles on Their Toes, published in 1950, outlines the family's adventures after Frank Sr.'s death in 1924. Belles on Their Toes was also made into a movie, starring Jeanne Crain and Myrna Loy, in 1952. This film focuses on the lives of Mrs. Gilbreth and her children."

Essentially, Frank Gilbreth's life work is to increase efficiency both in businesses and in his own family. He eliminates unnecessary steps or movements to maximize profits. The allure of the novel is that Frank took his work home, and used the same logic in managing his twelve children.

This book is a gimmick. The only reason anyone should ever care to read it is because for some reason that escapes me, we are interested with couples that have more children than they can afford to support. Beyond this, expect some funny anecdotes and interesting perspectives on an abnormal upbringing.

Not only did I have to read this, but I had to read it popcorn style with my entire class out loud in the eight grade. I think of it like our teacher's way of proving that we COULD read, rather than challenging us with anything interesting.

Now if you like reading about children growing up in unique situations told in a darkly humorous narrative voices, here's the book you should be reading:

Angela's Ashes by Frank McCourt. McCourt is brilliant. There's more to his writing than the writing itself, unlike what one of my favorite UMass professors refers to as "beach novels". Read this book before you die. There is a sequel to the memoir, 'Tis, but it isn't as good. It's excellent, but not brilliant like Angela's Ashes.


Join me next time for the next text of my academic career: To Kill a Mockingbird by Harper Lee.

Hello, world!

And when I say world, of course I mean America, because we live in a bubble. Before we embark on this journey together, we have some preliminary foundation to lay and ground rules to cover.

Ground rules:
1. It is out of freedom, not laziness, that I won't cite some sources that may not seem common knowledge. Why? Because I can. It's my blog, not a stuffy analytical college paper, and if you want to fact check, you can do the research yourself. I'm here to share my opinion. I won't generally address anything that I haven't read about or experienced extensively, so don't feel as though I'm making facts up.

2. When I enjoy literature, whether it be because of narrative structure, creative and unique concepts, or anything else, I will sing praises to it. When I read a book that I know (not feel, but know) is a waste of my time, I'm going to criticize it harshly, like a 5th grade bully stealing milk money from the bookworm nerd who sits alone at a table nearest the exit to the lunchroom. Why? Because I was that kid, and if years of being harassed and millions spent today in anti-bullying campaigns have taught me anything, it's that you should always pay it forward... in a creative outlet that doesn't do harm to others, mind you.

3. I mix metaphors constantly. I douse my criticism in sarcasm and light it on fire. I use melodramatic examples to prove my points. These aren't crutches, they are a part of my writing style. Whoever told you mixing metaphors is wrong is a fool. Sarcasm and a rapier-wit do wonders for comedic timing. Everyone loves melodrama; it's why TV is so popular. Remember, every criticism you receive in writing is a SUBJECTIVE OPINION, not law. Think about that while you read anything, especially whilst deciphering illegible undergraduate English professor scribble in the margins of your papers.

4. You are the ones with the power. The students, not the professors. YOU define the contemporary literary canon, because YOU are contemporary readers. Don't ever allow a professor to take that power away from you. If they try, spray them in the face with a squirt bottle. Bad professor! Bad!

5. It seems prudent to have five ground rules, as four is a weaker number than five. Let it be written.

Foundation:

Alright folks, this blog isn't just for English majors. At its core, it's a means to grapple with literature that may or may not suck ass through a straw (GASP!!! PROFANITY!) in a pressure-free environment. Here you can be completely open with your opinions on novels, short stories, poetry, films, paintings, sidewalk-chalk renderings, and smoke signals. Here we understand that teachers aren't infallible, and that everything prescribed to us from Kindergarten onward isn't the best stuff out there... by FAR.

For those of you who still don't know what a literary canon is, let's tackle that quarterback now.

A literary canon is a stuffy phrase to describe the literature that is most representative of any given era. The Victorian era has a canon. Literature of the American south has a canon. Gays and lesbians have a canon- and a parade, too. Here, we're really not so much interested in the old stuff. Why? Because without being alive in the era, how the hell are we supposed to know what literature defines it?

"Because, Matt," you say, pushing your ultra-thin glasses midway up your nose, "We have collections of literature from these eras. We can read them all, find patterns, and pick out examples that best represent trends in these time periods."

Actually, Mr. The Man, history, much like memory, is imperfect. We have collections of literature that were exposed publicly, were successful, and were widely read and distributed. Does that mean by default that they represent an era? Do you feel particularly represented by the Twilight series just because it sold loads of copies? I DIDN'T THINK SO, AND IF YOU JUST SAID YES, GET THE INTERCOURSE OFF OF MY WEBSITE.

Anyway, we might not be interested in redefining the canons of ages past, but we will certainly criticize the "antiques" from a modern perspective. I'll warn you right now, Shakespeare isn't sacred.

I just thought of a fifth ground rule:
5. I can and will digress constantly. I promise that if I bring something up, I'll finish the thought... it may just not be immediately or in any assemblance of order.

So here's the way this will work. I'm going to climb back into the far, dusty reaches of my brain and pull out every reading list I've ever been given from Junior High to today. I invite you to share your perspectives, opinions, and rantings alongside mine. Feel free to disagree. Remember that we're here to criticize the work, not each other. Let's not make it personal to anyone other than the author. I'll be asking you through this entire process to include books I haven't covered yet at the ends of your comments, so that by the time I've exhausted my own bookshelf, we can begin networking outward.

As a final comment, I want to make it clear that the extent of one's vocabulary does not qualify or disqualify them from having an opinion about literature. Herein is the entire point to this project. Everyone needs to be involved in this conversation. I don't even care if you can't read. Just hit the pretty buttons until a response box pops up, and mash your fingers on the keys until you're satisfied. Post pictures in response if you want. Record yourself performing an interpretive dance about the text if it makes you happy in the down-below. Just get involved.

With all of that said, we'll continue next time with the first novel I was ever asked to read in Junior High:

Cheaper by the Dozen by Frank Gilbreth and Ernestine Gilbreth Carey.